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Birthday happiness!

I can't believe my birthday came and left so fast. It was an amazing birthday! I got to hang out with some friends and then went to lunch with my family at Molly's.
It was so delicious!!!! I got brisket with mashed potatoes and green beans. Kae got me a chocolate cake. I pretty much ate sugar the whole day. 
After lunch I went and saw Michael. Michael is back in Utah! Wahoo! He will be here for a couple more weeks. He is an EFY counselor at BYU and works everyday from 7am-10:30pm. He's always so tired and I feel so bad. He's my light and joy! So happy he's here in my life right now :) 
I got my nails done after I saw Michael with amber. It was really fun and I love pampering myself. Kae, Lora, Amber, Jordan, Alanna, Isabelle, and I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We stuffed our faces and had so much fun. I was able to go shopping before dinner.  Dinner was amazing and I'm so glad I was surrounded by family and people I love. 
Oh it was such a great night. I got to talk to Michael for an hour last night. It was great and I'm excited for Saturday. It's going to be date day for us. 


Thank you for all the birthday wishes. There were so many that took time out to wish me a happy day. 

Until next time, 


Lozza 

Missing you...

It's been a couple of months since I've posted anything. I'm just gonna dive right back in: I'm depressed. I've been depressed lately and I never really knew how I felt until this past weekend. I had ZERO motivation to do anything and laid in bed doing nothing. It's a destructive life and I feel defeated. I hate feeling this way. Depression is real and it sucks! I'm trying so hard to not feel this way. I really am!!! I'm trying to think of all the positives that have happened in my life. I can't pinpoint what I'm depressed about but I also can't get rid of this feeling. I'm not sure if I should cry. 

I miss Michael. He was my safe person and the one guy I felt who never let me down. I'm not saying he is perfect but I trust him. I love him. He's been the one guy to stand by me through everything. All the bad things that have happened and when I tell him about things, he doesn't flinch. He hugs me and asks me what he can do to help. He drops everything and serves me. Why did he have to move?! The one time I felt so secure was abruptly taken. I miss that feeling. I'm starting to tear up just thinking about him and how much he has cared for me. I can't wait to embrace him so soon. I wish that soon was today.  I also wished he didn't have to move.  He has a job in AZ with his Dad and there's no reason for him to be here in UT. He graduated last month. I sobbed for the first few days when he left. And now I feel my heart aching for him. Aching for that smile, those dimples, and those eyes. It's hurts so bad I feel Iike apart of me is gone. Why did he and I become so close so fast and then to have it all be gone with a flash? It hurts so much it's unbearable like it is right now. 

I haven't really spoken about how much I missed him to anybody but here I am. Michael, if you are reading this, I miss you more than you know. My days were so much better when you were involved  in it. Your presence takes away the pain, hurt, and any negative thoughts. I've shared so many different feelings with you and you didn't go running. You stood beside me and smiled. You made me feel like a real person with no problems and not the depression, anxiety, and ADHD individual I am. You made me love myself more. Why didn't "us" happen sooner?! So many questions I ask and it's painful but I'm also grateful you've been there for me. I am not sure what I would do without you. I feel alone and it's because you're not here. 


Until next time, 

Loza 

Thank you!

This post is dedicated to my friends and family members that have stuck by my side the last 2 1/2 weeks. It's been rough and there have been so many of you that text me to ask how I'm doing or they're thinking of me. It's been so amazing to see the abundant amount of love and concern from so many of you. 
I am feeling better and the medicines are working pretty well...so far...I'm not as emotional and I feel more logical which makes me happy. Haha. I'm sleeping better and even though I'm still exhausted I think about the last few years of bad sleep I've gotten.  I'm so happy to be where I am right now and to be more stable. Thank you for being apart of my life and for helping me! I am so thankful for you. 
Until next time, 


Lozza