Seriously!?

Hello family and friends,

It has been years since I've posted.  I tried to do my best and life happened.  So many things have happened since I last posted.  In 2016 I came back to NM to "visit" and have been visiting ever since.  I work at the nearby college (San Juan College) and am currently having fun with my job.  I've got some awesome co-workers that make my job less stressed and fun.  I had been living in the mormon bubble in Utah and this is my first job not working around mormons.  It was hard at first because I wasn't used to it, but now it's fine.  There are still those moments when you want to talk with someone about church "stuff" but there's nobody around.  *Insert laughing emoji* My heart aches for Utah and especially my family and friends.

Kora turned 3 years old on February 5th.  She's my joy and the reason I started a business.  Oh you didn't know I started a business?  YES!  I started making hair bows when Kora was a baby and then decided I would sell the extra ribbon that we didn't use for others.  I started making grosgrain ribbon hair bows and in the latter end of 2017, I switched over to fabric hair bows.  I now have an online store where mommas across the US are able to shop.  About a year ago, I switched how I made my fabric bows and my business has seen success in such a small amount of time.  I'm so blessed with all the moms and friends that buy hair bows from me.  I'm one of those crazy hair bow people.  Currently, we own roughly close to 750 or so hair bows.  I know, that's A LOT!!!  I like to hoard Kora's hair bows though so I can be in denial about the actual amount of hair bows she has.  I buy hair bows ranging from $5-75 depending on the hair bow.  I know I know, that is an insane price to pay for a piece of fabric, but to me, it's a fun hobby.  Okay, back to Kora.  Kora loves to watch Super Monsters, tries to speak in sentences, has stranger danger mindset, likes to eat rice, cereal, pringles, gummy worms, and likes to drink sprite or lemonade...but we
sneak in Dr Pepper.  Oh I forgot, Kora is OBSESSED with fries.  McDonald's fries!  I don't blame her.

Kora's younger brother, Kenny, was born on April, 2018.  He will be a year old in such a short time.  He is such a baby.  Cries all the time.  He doesn't like to just chill...nope!  Cry baby!  We love him so much already and can't believe how big he is.  He crawls around everywhere and is able to stand on his own.  He has taken a step but not real walking yet.  He's our chubby baby and we will be sad when he "thins" out after he starts walking.
Kenny and Kora like to fight a lot!  Kenny likes to pull Kora's hair or he will be bite her.  Kora likes to push down Kenny.  They get jealous of each other when their mom is holding on. It's funny to watch them get mad.

I have a new calling at church.  I have been called to teach primary; The sunbeams, specifically.  Kora is in my class that's fun. She gets shy and doesn't like to play with others.  So far we have 4 little cute ones in class.  Most of the little ones are 3 years old.  They are crazy and very naughty.

Besides work and my business, it doesn't leave me a lot of time to have a social life.  I am so thankful for my friends, especially Danielle and Brooke.  Whitey is getting married on May 4th to Colin Plank.  #letsplank I am incredibly happy for Danielle.  She deserves all the happiness and then some. I'm grateful for my best friends and how they have put up with me all of these years.  I'm also grateful for my new friends that i've made.  It's been fun getting to know others.

My dating life is...my dating life is...hmmm...it's going.  I'm just trying to focus on me and that is important to me.  If things work out with whom I want them to work out with, then they will work out.  Right now, I need to remember that I need some self-care and love. It's always important for me to be selfish at times especially when it comes to my mental health and spirituality.  I'm grateful for Heavenly Father and His blessings. I feel indebted to them but I know Heavenly Father is blessing me.  I know the Savior is real!  I know Jesus Christ lives!  The gospel of Jesus Christ is true and it is here on earth waiting for us.  

Until next time,

Lozza

Birthday happiness!

I can't believe my birthday came and left so fast. It was an amazing birthday! I got to hang out with some friends and then went to lunch with my family at Molly's.

It was so delicious!!!! I got brisket with mashed potatoes and green beans. Kae got me a chocolate cake. I pretty much ate sugar the whole day. 

After lunch I went and saw Michael. Michael is back in Utah! Wahoo! He will be here for a couple more weeks. He is an EFY counselor at BYU and works everyday from 7am-10:30pm. He's always so tired and I feel so bad. He's my light and joy! So happy he's here in my life right now :) 

I got my nails done after I saw Michael with amber. It was really fun and I love pampering myself. Kae, Lora, Amber, Jordan, Alanna, Isabelle, and I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. We stuffed our faces and had so much fun. I was able to go shopping before dinner.  Dinner was amazing and I'm so glad I was surrounded by family and people I love. 

Oh it was such a great night. I got to talk to Michael for an hour last night. It was great and I'm excited for Saturday. It's going to be date day for us. 

Thank you for all the birthday wishes. There were so many that took time out to wish me a happy day. 

Until next time, 

Lozza 

Missing you...

It's been a couple of months since I've posted anything. I'm just gonna dive right back in: I'm depressed. I've been depressed lately and I never really knew how I felt until this past weekend. I had ZERO motivation to do anything and laid in bed doing nothing. It's a destructive life and I feel defeated. I hate feeling this way. Depression is real and it sucks! I'm trying so hard to not feel this way. I really am!!! I'm trying to think of all the positives that have happened in my life. I can't pinpoint what I'm depressed about but I also can't get rid of this feeling. I'm not sure if I should cry. 

I miss Michael. He was my safe person and the one guy I felt who never let me down. I'm not saying he is perfect but I trust him. I love him. He's been the one guy to stand by me through everything. All the bad things that have happened and when I tell him about things, he doesn't flinch. He hugs me and asks me what he can do to help. He drops everything and serves me. Why did he have to move?! The one time I felt so secure was abruptly taken. I miss that feeling. I'm starting to tear up just thinking about him and how much he has cared for me. I can't wait to embrace him so soon. I wish that soon was today.  I also wished he didn't have to move.  He has a job in AZ with his Dad and there's no reason for him to be here in UT. He graduated last month. I sobbed for the first few days when he left. And now I feel my heart aching for him. Aching for that smile, those dimples, and those eyes. It's hurts so bad I feel Iike apart of me is gone. Why did he and I become so close so fast and then to have it all be gone with a flash? It hurts so much it's unbearable like it is right now. 

I haven't really spoken about how much I missed him to anybody but here I am. Michael, if you are reading this, I miss you more than you know. My days were so much better when you were involved  in it. Your presence takes away the pain, hurt, and any negative thoughts. I've shared so many different feelings with you and you didn't go running. You stood beside me and smiled. You made me feel like a real person with no problems and not the depression, anxiety, and ADHD individual I am. You made me love myself more. Why didn't "us" happen sooner?! So many questions I ask and it's painful but I'm also grateful you've been there for me. I am not sure what I would do without you. I feel alone and it's because you're not here. 

Until next time, 

Loza