I was talking to a friend about families and she told me that this mortal time on earth is to perfect ourselves as a family and to truly become an eternal family. I never thought of this concept like this but it obviously makes sense. I just love my family so much and I wouldn't be where I am without them. I miss them immensely and miss my mom. I need her so badly. Since my parents divorce, I've been my mom's side kick and each other's sound board. I wish she were here to let me cry on her and for her to tell me that I need to pray and read my scriptures and i'll gain more perspective of this life and learning. I think most of all, I just need her to tell me "it's going to be okay..."
My Dad is one of my best friends and the person I tell everything to. He's been such a great influence in my life and I miss him more than my mom. hahaha. Is that bad? If we could choose to get married or hang out with my parents throughout this mortal life, I would pick my parents. lol. They're amazing and truly the most amazing beings on this earth. They're definitely not perfect but they're perfect for me. Gosh, I miss them. My poor Dad puts up with my whining, crying, but also the best days of my life. There isn't a day that I don't go without talking or texting him. I miss him more than anything on this earth right now and am needing a daddy daughter date right now.
I grew up very privileged. I don't ever remembering my parents struggling with finances as my Dad had an awesome job. We were able to get whatever we wanted and it was the best. We got to go on trips every year and it was the best time of the year. My fondest memories was as a child having my Dad come through the door after work and we would all hug and kiss him. He then would go to my mom and kiss her and I remember telling my sisters, "Why do they do that all the time?" I was definitely sheltered. My parents wanted the best for us and they strived to help us in anything we desired. I am the youngest of 5 kids. I have one brother whom is the oldest and is married with 7 kids. My sister, Roxanne, is the oldest daughter and definitely the stubborn one of the family. I have sisters that are twins (Stacie and Tracie); Stacie has 3 kids, and Tracie is married with 4 crazy daughters. Here I am, the baby, and the most love of them all. ;) They would probably all agree with me though which is funny and sad.
Things became difficult when my parent's decided to separate. It was definitely a growing time for me because I realized how important the gospel was to me. I never cleaved to Heavenly Father so much as a teenager. I could not imagine my parents being divorced. My parent's were the example to family and friends that we knew. Did I mention my parents are well known where I'm from? It was hard to go to the store with my mom and have people ask my mom what was going on with her and my Dad. I can't even imagine the thoughts that went through her head. Fast forward to present day, my Dad is remarried and my mom is still single but I'm not sure she is ready to mingle. She tells us she's going on dates but who knows what she does. lol. My parents still live in the same town and my Dad lives down the road so we are able to still see him often.
I don't want to say that I think I struggled the most during this time but I think my oldest sister, Roxanne, struggled the most. She was my Dad's baby (yeah i'll admit that) and they were two peas in a pod. I feel so terrible and cry so much for her because she was away from home and she didn't know how to survive what was going on with my parent's divorce. She's my absolute best friend and I miss her at times like today. Ever since my parent's separated and have been divorced, she has struggled with alcoholism. I miss talking to her and miss her telling me it'll be okay. I know she strives to be better and is very compassionate but her addiction keeps her from being the Roxanne that we all know. She did really well for a couple of years but I think she couldn't deal with problems in her life and this is the only time she can't feel anything. I definitely am dumb for saying this but sometimes I don't blame her. I wish I could be numb from my feelings today but I know there is learning and growth in store for me. I just want her to be healthy and to experience happiness. She is so young and I'm scared she's throwing away her life. If there was something I could say to Roxanne today it would be that, "Heavenly Father loves you. You're a daughter of God and there is a plan for you to do on this earth. Jesus Christ can take away your pain and afflictions that you've experienced. I love you eternally and am here for you."
One of my favorite talks is from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin during the October 2006 General Conference titled 'Sunday Will Come'. What a powerful talk that helps us triumphant over the hard trials in our lives. I listen to this talk at least 10 days out of the month. I learn something new every single time I hear it. This talk talks about the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the resurrection.
Elder Wirthlin says, "Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."
I hope I can get through this day with a smile and to always be ready to serve others. My Dad tells me the best time to learn more about yourself is to go out and find somebody to serve. That's my goal today. I have to trust in Heavenly Father that everything will be okay. I have to believe and have faith in Him that He will work the miracles or tender mercies in my life always. I had a friend tell me last night that he couldn't believe I was dealing with everything I told him. It didn't really bother me that he said that because that's been my life. I knew my plan before I came to earth and was so excited that I rejoiced. It's okay that life is hard because I know if I'm doing everything that I can, Heavenly Father will make up the rest. I know He will. His promises are in the scriptures and through modern day prophets and apostles.
I hope my dad gets better and I can feel Heavenly Father's love today at General Women's meeting today. I really do. I hope to be an instrument in Heavenly Father's hands to be a tender mercy in anybody's life today.
Until next time,
Lozza
