...Pill Popper!!!!

I'm tired today....actually i've been tired the last week and a half.  Ever since I started my medication i've experienced a lot of exhaustion, tiredness, lack of appetite, nausea, and stomach ache.  It's been quite the combination.  With the lack of appetite, I kept trying to listen to my body on what it wants....finally it told me all it wanted was oranges and applesauce still....hahaha.  i've got a great supply of those two foods.  I've been able to incorporate other foods and it has not ended well.  I think I've lost some weight....jk.  I do feel like a pill popper...I take so many a day...I'll tell you my day; In the morning I take my acne medication along with allergy medicine around 7:30-ish then at 9:30am, i take a neurontin pill, then at 1:30pm i take another neurontin pill and then again at 6:30pm.... then another allergy pill at 7:30-ish....I finally end my night at 10:00pm with a Zoloft pill...then la la land which has been a lot more amazing then the last few years.  I sleep better and the quality is so much better.  YAY!!!

People ask me how i'm feeling besides the side effects.  I feel okay but not significant changes right now but I do have a stronger relationship with Heavenly Father and I KNOW things will work out.  I've been able to obtain more faith (I think) and I'm more optimistic.  I'm not as stressed out as I usually am and don't let little things get to me which is a great thing.  I feel happier and I think it's because I'm not as worried about things.  I've been able to tell Heavenly Father I can't do anything without Him and the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  I will probably start feeling a little different by the end of this week which is my 2 week mark...BUT I won't feel the full effects of everything until 4 weeks.  I have my next therapist appointment at the beginning of February which I'm excited about. :)

Can I say how much I LOVE the unlimited amount of love and uplifting messages I've gotten from friends?!  Oh my gosh!  I can't believe it.  My friend, Brooke, wasn't feeling very well so I decided to call her to make sure she's okay and ask if she needed anything.  After I asked her if she needed anything, she immediately asked me how i'm doing...It wasn't the  nonchalant, "how are you" but it was a, "How are YOU doing?" I felt so much love and concern from her.  It's amazing to see who your friends are when you are going through so much.  I've been blessed with so many great friends that continue to support me. Thank you so much Brooke!

I've been pretty limited on social media right now because I'm trying to focus on getting better and doing the things I WANT instead of trying to do everything to make others happy. It's been quite the change and it's nice to be able to say no to people.  At first I felt like a horrible person but now I just tell people I'm tired and sick....they normally understand and if they don't, I don't care.  haha.  But seriously if you are offended, I really AM sick!  (read first paragraph about the side effects).  I don't think I'll be posting a ton on Facebook or Instagram.  I logged out of both of them and really haven't felt like logging back in unless my family tell me about something I should look up.  I'm TRYING to focus on the scriptures and other wholesome things...it doesn't always work....Michael (my friend) got me hooked on Trivia Crack...addicted!

I'll post more on how I'm feeling.  I AM SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE!  I tell people all the time i'm tired but i'm happy to be alive.  It's so TRUE!  I am so happy to be here on earth, to experience this and to have people support me.  Some people don't know what to say and that's totally fine...It's an awkward, weird, strange, foreign, and abnormal to some people who don't know what it's like to struggle with anxiety and ADD...but thank you for thinking of me.  Like I have said before, I've been so overwhelmed with all the love that so many of you have bestowed towards me.  I know this journey will be a bumpy one but with a loving Heavenly Father, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and all of you supporting me, I'll be able to bounce back to being Lauren.  So far, I am happier and I know things will work out.

Until next time,